Do you ever just hate it? Hate everything? Life, your family just want it all to go away, to just not be there?
I can’t say it’s the best feeling I’ve ever had.
I’m only 15 years old and my life’s already down the shithole! Mum and Dad dead. My brother tries but you know it’s not the same. He wants to be a parent and a brother at the same time. It don’t work like that. Not in this life. I can’t even remember Mum and Dad. Johnny, that’s my brother, he says I’m better off. I don’t think so. Who is better off not knowing their parents? WHO?!
He....he said, he doesn’t want to remember, that they were bad people. But I don’t reckon so. They can’t have been, they’re mum and dad. Mums and Dads aren’t evil. Everyone knows that.
He won’t even tell me what happened . Just says they’re dead and that’s the best thing for everyone. Course I love him, but I think he’s a right prick about them.
“Zip? Get your ass out here!”
Fuck, that’s El, god I love that girl to bits, but she has the worst timing.
“El, Just leave me alone. You’re not even allowed in here. Boys Toilets. I know your thick but even you can read pictures”
I tried to sound teasing, didn’t sound convincing even to me.
“You know the drill Zip; teachers will tell John if you don’t go”
I knew that, stupid teachers, they knew nothing!
“You just gotta make it through graduation then, you can fuck off for all they care”
I knew that too. They pretend to care, acting in “locy parents” or whatever it is. But they don’t as soon as you graduate and decide you ain’t coming back for more, they’re laughing in front of your face not behind it. I really did not want to have to go into a room full of liars and cheats and bastards and sluts and the general scum of society. That’s what we were, students, teachers, the lot. I’m not all high and mighty, I’m as bad as all of them, maybe worse, but at least I don’t lie
“Zip come on! You know I’ll drag your skinny ass outta there if I have to!”
Ha! She would and all you know. She has some moves my El.
We’re not dating or nothing, she’s like my best mate! More of brother than Johnny. She has this thing for leather, denim and chains. Got a bit of Goth look about her. I think she’d kill me if I told anyone she loves “The Backstreet Boys” particularly that Jason bloke. Jason Tumblerton or something. Don’t really give two shits about it to be honest. She just El and that’s all I need really.
Me and her don’t look half odd walking round the school. I’m a tall lanky yoke, 6’2 and she’s barely 5 foot not to mention me with my second hand baggy jeans that hang way too low and third hand Nike hoodies and t-shirts, and her with her leather and chains. Some of the lads thinks she’s into chains and whips, you know in the bedroom. I don’t think she is. Not something we really talk about though.
“I’m coming you impatient brat” I’ve always called her brat, little nickname, I’m Zip and she a brat. Hell I’ve been called Zip for so long I barely remember my “real” name. I do though, keeps me, like, connected to my parents.
She pulled me to the hall, little witch, at least I got to sit beside her. She ain’t got no family either. Well she does, but they’re alchos, they’d sell El if it could get them a beer or vodka or something. Never really like alcohol myself, drink it course, everyone in this school does, well cept for El, she doesn’t cause of her parents, but I never really liked it. I just do it.
“Now the last part of this evening’s event. The handing out of certificates”
God I hate my headmaster he can make the simplest sentence sound arrogant, thinks he’s so above everyone.....Did he say certificates ?
“El” I whispered “did he say certificates? And how longs it been since this thing started “
“Yeah he said they’re handing out the certs, and like 2 hours why? “She looked at me kinda weird.
“You okay Zip”
“Yeah I’m fine” I muttered.
Had I just spent 2 hours in my head? Just thinking? I must have, otherwise time was skipping or some other weird sci fi junk was happening.
“Zip!”....”Zip! They called your name! Get up!”
I looked up; apparently it had been a few minutes since they’d called my name. A few minutes too long. I got up and got my certificate, didn’t shake that bastard of a principles hand though. I think everyone noticed but no one seemed to care. Why would they? I wasn’t there responsibility anymore.
The last half hour of that stupid graduation we’re the longest of my life. I could tell I wasn’t the only one itching to get out. Even the teachers were pissed by now.
As soon as the bastard said goodnight, I was out the door. Apparently, I’d dragged El with me. I don’t remember doing that.
“Hey Zip, hold up, I got an idea.” She paused. I dunno why.
“You don’t get nothing from alcohol right?”
I nodded, I didn’t know where this was going, but it was El she had her shit in order so course I gotta listen to her.
“Well, I got some Coke and E the other day, cause you know me and drink, I was wondering you wanna give them a go?”
Drugs? I didn’t know about drugs. Johnny said they were bad. That’s all I’d ever learned about them. “Drugs are bad”, never told why. Still didn’t know if I wanted to take em though, I mean I’d heard some stories of drugs going down the wrong way.
“El, I dunno, I mean like I’ve heard stories, and I don’t wanna get sick or nothing like”
“Come on Zip, it’ll be fine! And them stories are a load of bull! I’m not gonna take them if you don’t!”
Its drugs. What’s the worst that could happen? I always thought them stories were a bit...over the top, and sure I’d heard that they get you feeling good, and I hated most everything , cept El, I needed some feeling good.
“Uh, sure El, I’ll give it ago, you know how this shit works?”
“Course, you think I came here, uneducated?!”
“Bad joke, El”
She took my hand, and pulled me back to the boys toilets.
“What is it with you and boys, toilets El?”
She shot me a death glare I knew she didn’t mean then she gave me a small pill with an “M” on it, looked like the McDonalds logo to me, but I wasn’t gonna argue. She told me to “shove it down my noise hole”, course I did. Then she got this powdered stuff, the coke I reckon. Laid out four lines of it. She took 2 and left me the other ones. I was bit fuzzy cause of the weird M pill, ecstasy I think she called it. But I took the tube, and took my lines. She looked so out of it, I probably looked them same, but man it felt good. So good.
Till I collapsed. I just fell in heap, I couldn’t move, it was so weird. I didn’t have clue what was happening. I was so out of it. I think I heard El scream, I don’t remember though really. I just sorta lay there, not moving. It was the best I’d felt in years. It felt like the life was slipping from me. The hate was going with it. It was the best! Till I realised I was dying.
I hate life, and all that shit, but I don’t wanna die....
I just zoned out for ages. I curled up real tight; I didn’t want the life to spill from me. Then I heard it. The best and worst sound of my life.
“Zip you here?” It was Johnny looking for me. I must have been there a long time cause he works real stupid hours, the get home at 4am kind.
“Zip?.....Oh god no. Zip!”
I heard him fall to his knees, I was trying so hard to say his name, but nothing worked. It was like everything was dead, but my mind was still alive.
“How could you do this Zip?” He was crying, my big brother was crying. He wasn’t my parent no more; right now he was my big brother. And he was crying.
“I thought...I thought if I didn’t tell you about Mum and Dad you wouldn’t do this. But no your here just like they were.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about. Did he think I was dead, like Mum and Dad were?
I needed to tell him I was here. I wasn’t gone. I was still his little bro, alive and kicking.
He looked at me. That’s all he did, look at me.
“So you took after dad, not a one drug kinda man, you like to mix and match”
Dad was a druggie? That was news to me. Was mum one too?
“Mum, always stuck to heroine”
“Now you’re here, on the floor like they were.”
I heard a noise in the background, like....like..... like a siren.
Then nothing just blackness. And a voice.
“Wake up Zip, you gotta wake up”